my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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