I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
