she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
