I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have already put on my inside pants.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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