Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have aggressive nipples.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
