we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
