Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
