I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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