i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
