Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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