theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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