It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
