apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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