Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
