..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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