Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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