after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
In other news, I just burned my penis
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
