Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
