Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
