just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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