So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
