you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
