why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Who did Billy Mays play for?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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