Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
