So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
