i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
