I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
