I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There's always time for handjobs
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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