White coat. Heels.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize