You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
