I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
