I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
