the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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