Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
