Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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