You're my little dorito
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
