you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
