Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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