used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
