If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
