all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
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It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
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I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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