There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
