I need to stop coming to work sober
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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