You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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