come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
