Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
