i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
