You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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