Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
