I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
