You just made me feel so damn special
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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