Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
false alarm, still single
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
