I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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