3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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