ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
All the doctor said was why
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
