pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
