Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she told me i tasted like america
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
