So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
