What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
