Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
