You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
