I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
