Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
