hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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