I woke up to her vacumming the grass
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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