and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
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I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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