you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
